July 5, 2020

“In all your ways, acknowledge Him, and He shall direct your paths.” Proverbs 3:6

After being in the cast for 2 and a half months, Sophia’s doctor wanted her orthopedic doctor to check her cast and approve if we can take it off or not. Back in October when we saw him he said that Sophia might need a surgery on both her ankles or put both of her ankles in a cast for 2 months because her ankles were stiff and it will take away the ability for her to stand. We figured back then we will deal with it when the time comes. 

In June 2018, during the visit of the orthopedic he gave us the ok to take the cast off and we were so happy. But, that didn’t last too long. After he checked the ankle that was in the cast for two and a half months he said our only option now is surgery on both Achilles tendons and she needed it as soon as possible. It was one thing after the other. I can’t explain how we felt around that time. But numb would be the best description for now. Her feeding intake was not going good at all. She was getting weaker and weaker. But, at the end, as John always said, it is what it is. 

I called to schedule the surgery and they said the doctor doesn’t have any openings now for the next 6 months. So, if I want to schedule I will be looking at January 2019. They put her name on the waiting list for January 2019. I informed her physical therapist and she actually recommended the surgery. Our concern was how we can strengthen her muscle after surgery. We will have to stop the physical therapy for 2 months during the period that she will be in the casts. Again, it is what it is, we will deal with it when the time comes. For now, let’s take it one day at a time and enjoy it, because tomorrow is not guaranteed. 

On August 30, 2018, while driving to Sophia’s physical therapy session (it was just Sophia and I in the car) the following conversation happened between Sophia and me:

Sophia: Mom, where is Heaven?

Me: Do you see the sky up there, Heaven is behind the sky.

Sophia: What does heaven look like?

Me: I don’t know. Baba Yesou (Jesus) took some people there and brought them back and they said it’s beautiful, full of flowers and butterflies and its always daylight with no night time.

I was surprised why Sophia was asking me these questions, so I asked her a few questions.

Me: Sophia why are you asking?

Sophia: Because Baba Yesou (Jesus) told me He will take me with Him to Heaven.

I pushed my breaks and I had to park. I turned around and asked her

Me: When did He tell you that?

Sophia: Right now. He was sitting next to me and told me that.

Me: What was He wearing?

Sophia: His white long dress.

I was speechless, shocked, scared and I didn’t want to believe it. The day before John had to travel to work and drove for 20 hours. He was not coming back for another 4 days. I can’t call him and tell him what happened. I was worried about him driving back. What if God decided to take Sophia before John comes back. I will carry that guilt forever. I didn’t know what to do. We finished the physical therapy visit and went home. I didn’t want to tell anyone so no one will freak out. I was scared because I didn’t want God to take her. I couldn’t imagine how I can live without her. I didn’t know why God would give me a warning that He will take her. Is God planning to take her this weekend while her dad is not available? I decided not to tell John for his own safety. I didn’t want to scare him and meanwhile I didn’t know what was God’s plan. 

For the next 4 days I couldn’t sleep, I was so certain inside me that something will happen to Sophia. I was so scared and I totally forgot how merciful God is. The weekend passed and nothing happened. After John arrived I gave him a chance to rest and I told him what happened. He said, “we can’t control that, it’s out of our control and there is nothing we can do about this, it’s in God’s Hand and let His will be done.”

I was not shocked from John’s reaction.  John’s faith during this whole Journey is what was keeping me on track. Whenever I lose it, he always comes and talks to me about our faith and we have to let go, knowing that God is in control. I always felt I am the crazy one and John is the one who brings me back to my sanity. That’s the balance that God created with us. Whenever one of us felt down (it was almost always me), the other one is always standing by to help. 

Two weeks after this conversation, I got a phone call from her orthopedic doctor saying they got an opening for 31^st of October, 2018 because someone else cancelled. If I don’t take that appointment then I will be looking for an appointment in January 2019 or later. I had to decide right then if I am booking the surgery or not. I booked the surgery and after I hung up, I realized oh my God this is it. I connected the surgery with the conversation I had with Sophia about Jesus telling her that He will be taking her to heaven. I thought to myself, “she has to be under anesthesia for the surgery, this is it she will not survive the surgery.”

When we think we know everything, it turns out we don’t know anything, because God had a totally different plan. 

Lessons Learned:

• We don’t always get signs or messages from God, so when you do, appreciate it and trust in God, for He will never do anything to harm you. 

PLEASE NOTE – for all of the “lessons learned”, we did not always see it that way during the events that were occurring which are mentioned in the posts. Many of these lessons were learned weeks, months, or even years later when we looked back and reflected on the circumstances.