April 27, 2020

“Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and do not lean on your own understanding.” Proverbs 3:5

We attended every therapy session and Sophia was starting to show a tiny bit of progress. So, the therapist advised me that if she doesn’t show her any progress by 18 months (January 2016), she will have to refer her to a Neurologist. I was terrified at this point just to think there might be something wrong with Sophia. We started exercising more at the house and she started to take her first steps not holding on anything but not in front of the therapist, she wouldn’t walk in front of her. Prior to attending the last therapy visit where the therapist would determine if Sophia will be referred to the neurologist, I was able to take a video of her walking (see the video below) hours before the session. When we arrived at this last scheduled therapy session, I showed the video to the therapist and she couldn’t understand why Sophia wouldn’t walk in front of her. But I explained that my daughter had a unique character. We laughed and she said I don’t need to refer her but advised me to keep the exercises so they can strengthen her. 

Sophia’s 18-month checkup came and everything went well. I still mentioned the feeding issue to the doctor and the answer was “your daughter is 17% above average in weight,” meaning she is doing much better than it feels like. Sophia was doing well with the exercises, but the way she was walking was not improving. Her way of walking was the same way as you will see it in the video below. For me that’s not normal after 2 or 3 months of practicing walking plus she was so fragile with no balance. She would lose her balance often and could easily fall while walking. I knew there was something wrong but I didn’t know what it was and even the doctors couldn’t help because they don’t see anything wrong at this time.

In February 2016, I started to not feel well. I was very tired and I also had a very fast heartbeat.  John suggested that I take a pregnancy test, but I laughed and said I am not pregnant we got Sophia with a huge miracle that took 5 years, do you think after a year and a half I’ll be pregnant. So, he said what do we get to lose? And guess what, John was right, I was pregnant. All of us were so super excited and couldn’t wait to hold this new baby, especially Sophia. She loved babies. On the other hand, I had some questions for God: how and why now? My brother was getting married in 5 months, my youngest is a year and a half. It was going to be a bit tough, but I realized hey this is my third miracle baby, I thanked God for all the blessings and asked Him to guide me and help me raising three kids. I scheduled an appointment for blood work.  Then got a phone call to confirm my pregnancy and to schedule my first appointment with my OB-GYN, which has to take place after my 8 weeks of pregnancy. So, they scheduled me for the third week of March which was my 9th week and I was due October 2016. 

We went to see the doctor and hear the first heartbeat and get an estimated due date. We did the first ultrasound but the doctor couldn’t hear a heartbeat. She said we are not going to jump to any conclusions, she wanted me to do another ultrasound with a very high-tech machine because if I am less than 9 weeks pregnant, she might not be able to hear it with her machine. We went to another floor and did a very detailed ultrasound but no one wanted to give us any information. Went back to see my doctor, all of this was on the same day, and she delivered the news to us. “I am sorry, but your baby stopped growing at 7 weeks and there is no heartbeat.” I was shocked and I asked her do you mean my baby is dead inside me? And she said yes and we have to remove it immediately. The entire family was devastated. This was the toughest day of our lives, at least that’s what we thought at the time. 

Lessons Learned:

• The Lord works in mysterious ways
• We have to trust God, even when we don’t know the answer to “why?”

PLEASE NOTE – for all of the “lessons learned”, we did not always see it that way during the events that were occurring which are mentioned in the posts. Many of these lessons were learned weeks, months, or even years later when we looked back and reflected on the circumstances.